


Anywhere But Here

by Waldo



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Angst, Character Death, Comfort, Established Relationship, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2006-06-21
Updated: 2006-06-21
Packaged: 2017-10-06 09:19:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,057
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/52104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Waldo/pseuds/Waldo
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Death, no matter how much expected, is never anticipated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Anywhere But Here

Despite having been given permission several weeks ago, Carson never just walked into John's quarters.

Until the day that raising his hand to ring the bell would take too much energy. A day where he'd finally ended a four-day shift.

He didn't know what to say when the door opened. John didn't seem too surprised to see him, he just glanced up from the work he'd been doing on his laptop.

Carson stood rooted to his spot, his throat tight. He knew he wasn't being at all inconspicuous when he wiped a tear off his cheek on the shoulder of his shirt.

"Aw, hell," John muttered, knowing without Carson actually having to voice it. He held a hand out. "Come here."

Carson wavered for a moment and then finally found the strength to move and he crossed the room to sit on the sofa next to John. John pulled him down so that Carson lay across his lap, head on the arm of the sofa. "I'm sorry." It didn't seem like the right thing to say, but he wasn't sure there was a 'right' thing for this.

Carson sniffled. "We tried, but…" He just shook his head, not sure how he was going to end that sentence. John didn't want the clinical details. Didn't want to know how Rodney had finally drowned in his own blood as his body broke down cell by cell. John already knew that a Genii device jury-rigged to provide something along the lines of nuclear power had gone super-critical just as Rodney and Radek had shown up to help them work on the shielding. Radek had been outside the poorly shielded room when it went up, but Rodney had been right in front of it.

John suspected Carson's professionalism kept him from falling apart before he'd completed all of his assigned duties, but he needed to be sure the basics had been covered. "You told Elizabeth?"

Carson nodded against the sofa. "She was there. She's talking to Radek now."

John let his head fall back against the back of the sofa, focusing on rubbing Carson's back. "Was anyone with him?" He'd never forgive himself if Rodney died alone. The necessity for Rodney to be in a clean room and the fact that he was, as he'd put it before he'd had to be intubated, still glowing like a Christmas Tree, meant that he hadn't been able to have many visitors. Doctors and nurses and the few approved visitors had to wear radiation suits and then scrub down afterwards. John had gone in every day, more when Rodney was still awake and able to appreciate the company, following all the protocols and trying to get Rodney to laugh at least one more time. Once Rodney had slipped into a coma, he'd had a harder time sitting in there in the hot, itchy suit, carrying on a one sided conversation. So he'd gone down earlier that day, stayed for about half an hour and then left to try and get some work done. The _Daedalus_ would be arriving in three days and he had to have the ordinance requisitions and usage reports done before they left again.

"I was. And when he realized what was happening, Ronon burst in. By then the radiation contamination wasn't too much a concern, and infecting…" He had to stop and take a deep breath. "Infecting Rodney wasn't a concern any more."

John nodded. "I need to talk to Teyla before Elizabeth makes the city-wide announcement," he said, but he didn't move.

"Ronon's going," Carson said softly, reaching up to scrub his face with the back of his hand. "Elizabeth said she'd talk to anyone who wouldn't want to get this off the city-wide."

"No one _wants_ to get this off the city-wide," John said before he realized how it sounded.

"No, I meant… I didn't mean…"

John squeezed his shoulder, "I know, I know. I'm sorry; I just meant that … I just meant that this sucks. Even knowing it was coming for the better part of a week… it doesn't make it any easier."

Carson sighed and wrapped his arms around himself.

"Come here," John said, tugging on Carson's shoulder. "Roll over towards me."

Carson shifted over onto his other shoulder and John wiggled one hand under him and wrapped the other one around him. Together they clung to each other, neither saying what they were both thinking – that at least they had each other to get themselves through this. Carson berated himself, silently, for not being the one to go tell Radek. He knew that Radek would need all of his friends to get him through not only his own illness, but his loss. He wondered briefly if Radek would be angry that Carson still had his partner when he'd lost his own. Carson wondered if he would be able to offer Radek any kind of comfort in this situation. He clung even tighter to John.

The sun had started to set while they sat there silently, crying off and on, offering and receiving comfort in turn. After several deep breaths, Carson could hear John drag his hands over his face.

"I need to go wash my face and check on Ronon and Teyla." He threaded his fingers between Carson's. "Come with me?"

Carson nodded, not trusting his voice. He sat up, missing the contact and the warmth of John's body even as he did so. He took a deep breath and pressed on his temples, trying to ward off the headache he felt building. "I need to check on Radek after a bit, too." He knew he wouldn't be able to face him until he could do it in such a way that he offered more comfort than he needed.

John stroked the back of Carson's head. "You can't spend another night in the infirmary." He'd known he couldn't get Carson out of there while Rodney faded right in front of them, even once they'd determined that Rodney wouldn't recover. But after four days of extremely limited sleep and an endless supply of stress, Carson was about to reach his breaking point.

Carson shook his head. "I won't, I promise." He couldn't imagine being anywhere but here at that point. He needed some time away from the place where one of his best friends had died.


End file.
